A Day in the Life of the Brotherhood
by Red Witch
Summary: What is a typical day with the Brotherhood like? Here's an interesting answer!


**I don't know where the disclaimer went saying I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. I just thought I'd do a study of a typical day in the Brotherhood house after Ascension. **

**A Day In The Life of the Brotherhood**

5 **am: Morning Aerobics**

"Pietro will you cut out that racket!" Lance shouted. "Some of us are trying to sleep here!" 

"Lance you know perfectly well I must keep my mind and body in perfect order!" Pietro snapped as he danced around to blaring music wearing a pair of tight shorts and nothing else. 

"Too bad your brain is out of order!" Todd shouted as he walked into Pietro's room. "AAAAAAAAAHHH! MY EYES! I'M BLIND!" 

"Toad I am wearing clothes," Pietro rolled his eyes as he exercised. 

"Barely!" Todd covered his eyes. "WANDA!" 

"We're on it!" Wanda shouted as she and Lance in their pajamas entered the room. "Listen brother either you knock off that racket or we'll…" She didn't finish because Pietro zoomed out before she was ready.

"Can't catch me! Ha! Ha! Ha!" He laughed. "Can't catch me!" 

"GET BACK HERE YOU LUNATIC!" Lance shouted as he chased him up and down the hallways.

"PUNISH HIM! PUNISH HIM!" Todd shouted. 

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS IT WITH THIS PLACE?" Pyro shouted from his room. "IT'S LIKE TRYING TO SLEEP IN BLOODY GRAND CENTRAL STATION! NO GRAND CENTRAL STATION'S QUIETER!" 

"PYRO SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" Fred shouted from his room.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Pyro shouted back. 

"WHY DON'T YOU BOTH SHUT UP?" Todd shouted.

"HAHAHAHAHA! I'M FREE! I'M FREE!" Pietro could be heard shouting.

"PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON YOU NUT!" Lance shouted. 

"SHUT UP!" Pyro shouted.

"WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP SCREAMING?" Wanda shouted. "PIETRO THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! TOAD WILL YOU STOP DROOLING OVER MY NIGHTGOWN?" She hexed Todd into a wall and started to chase after her brother. 

"DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY FREAKING MORNING?" Fred shouted. 

"APPARENTLY SO! GOD FORBID WE ACTUALLY SLEEP IN!" Lance shouted. "QUICKSILVER IF YOU DON'T STOP FOOLING AROUND RIGHT NOW…" The ground started to shake violently. 

"SHUT UP OR I'LL BURN THE PLACE DOWN!" Pyro shouted. "AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT!" 

**7-8 am: Breakfast**

"Geeze could you guys be any **more **disgusting when you eat?" Wanda grumbled. "At least chew with your mouth closed!" At this Pietro opened his full mouth and made a face. "EWWWW! That is disgusting! What are you? Two years old?"

"Mentally yes," Lance snickered. He winced as a long tongue shot past him. "Toad! What did I say about using your tongue at the table! Aw man you got slime in my cereal!" 

"Can I eat it then?" Todd asked.

"Help yourself!" Lance shoved it at him. Todd ate it happily. 

"Yeah well I wish we could cut down a little," Pietro said. "Father's complaining about our food bill again." 

Everyone looked at Fred. "You guys aren't exactly light eaters yourselves you know?" Fred defended himself. "Refresh my memory, which one of us ate five, count them five packages of Dove ice cream bars straight and still had room for dinner?"

"You know perfectly well that I had a craving that day!" Wanda fumed. "I can't help it when I get my…"

"DON'T SAY THE P-WORD!" Pyro screamed. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T SAY THE P-WORD!"

"Period is not a dirty word you lunatic!" Wanda snapped.

"Period? I thought you were going to say pineapple," Pyro blinked. "AGGGH! YOU MADE ME SAY IT!" 

"Why would…?" Wanda began.

"Stop," Lance held up his hand. "You don't want to know. Believe me. Unless you want to waste four hours of your life. He told me and I wish to god he didn't so I'm telling you…"

"O-kay," Wanda blinked. "Things not to say around Pyro if you want him to stay somewhat sane: item number 45." 

"Look I just had a very bad experience with them once," Pyro quivered. "Please don't let me go into detail. At least not until I've had my coffee."

"And on that note Breakfast has ended," Pietro zipped around taking away the empty dishes. "Come on! We have a lot to do today! So let's get busy!" 

**8-10 am: Information Briefing**

"I can't believe she's wearing that outfit," Todd said as he watched Live With Reggie and Kathy. "She looks so fat yo!" 

"She's pregnant you moron!" Pietro told him. "She's supposed to be fat!" 

"How many kids does she have now?" Wanda asked. "It's like every time you turn around she's gonna have another one." 

"Yeah and she's also on two soaps, a hit sitcom and at least every other movie of the week," Pyro remarked. "When does she find the time?" 

"Well at least she's not that annoying," Wanda said. "Not like the other one." 

"I liked her," Fred defended. "I thought she was nice and wholesome!"

"Too bad her husband wasn't," Lance snickered. "Change the channel. Let's see what's on the Jerry Spaniel show!" 

"Love Triangles involving Fruit," Pyro read on screen. "All right! They got my letter!" 

**10-Noon: Training**

"Go on Pyro," Pietro said reassuringly. "You can do this. Just repeat your mantra and take your time." 

Pyro stood nervously before a table with a pineapple on top of it. "Pineapples are my friends," Pyro chanted as he inched closer. "Pineapples are my friends. Pineapples cannot turn into giant monsters with chainsaws and try to hack me into tiny bits." 

Wanda watched the spectacle. "I'm living in a nut house."

"You're been here how long and you're just figuring that out now?" Lance asked. He was holding onto some chips. "Okay here comes another one Toad!" 

He flung it at the ceiling where Todd was hanging. He caught it in his mouth. "Boo-yeah! All right! That's fifty in a row!" Todd whooped. "A new record!" 

"Pineapples cannot hurt me…" Pyro touched it lightly with his finger. "Ow! That's sharp!" 

"I'm surrounded by crazy people," Wanda walked back and forth. "I'm trapped in a house…trapped…trapped…crazy…trapped…insane…Why the heck does this feel so familiar?" 

"Uh oh," Pietro gulped. "Hey Wanda wanna take a walk outside?" 

"I keep getting this feeling of déjà vu over and over again," Wanda seemed to be almost in a trance. "Like something has happened to me before. Something terrible. Something horrible. Some kind of…betrayal of some kind…." 

"Wanda? Wanda can you hear me?" Pietro rushed over to her. "Wanda! Snap out of it!"

"No, no, I'm onto something…" Wanda held up her hand. "Something very vague and fuzzy…but it's there! An awful, long, terrible experience with doctors and bars and people screaming and…" 

"Take cover! She's gonna blow!" Lance gulped.

"It was…it was…" Wanda's brow furrowed. 

"We're so dead…" Pietro gulped.

Then Todd hopped over and kissed Wanda on the cheek. "TOAD!" Wanda screamed and hexed him into a wall. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"You seemed upset, Sweetie-Pie," Todd blinked innocently. He hopped back over to her and hugged her. "Someone needs a hug!" 

"SOMEONE NEEDS TO LEARN ABOUT PERSONAL SPACE!" Wanda grabbed him and flung him harder into the wall.

"And there's another Toad imprint on the wall," Lance sighed. 

"Sis, calm down," Pietro said. "If this keeps up all the walls will be bare!" 

"What was I talking about?" Wanda blinked. "Oh never mind! It couldn't have been important. I'm going to the bathroom to try and sterilize myself!" She stomped upstairs. 

"That was close," Lance sighed in relief. 

"Wow," Pietro patted Todd on the back. "Way to take one for the team, Toad." 

"Yay…" Todd moaned in agony. 

"All right! Which one of you was in my room again?" Wanda snapped as she stormed downstairs. Each boy pointed to the other. "THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!" She started to hex various things around the room.

"Now Sis, can't we talk about this?" Pietro gulped as he tried to escape the wrath of several soda cans. "OW!" 

"AAAHHH! THE PINEAPPLES! THE PINEAPPLES ARE ATTACKING!" Pyro screamed. 

"NO! CUDDLEBUMPS! NOT THE CHAIR AGAIN!" Todd screamed as he hopped for his life. He ended up riding it all over the room. "AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" 

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Lance screamed as he dove through a window. 

Fred just sat in his chair, snoring away though the whole thing. 

**Noon: Lunch**

"For crying out loud do you morons have to play 'Talking Sandwich Theater' every time we have lunch?" Lance asked. 

"No. We just like to," Pietro said. He was holding a sandwich with olives on top of it, making it look like it had eyes. "Oh Spaminella! My darling, lettuce never be apart!"

Pyro was making his sandwich talk. "Oh Honey Mustard, we're in such a pickle! My husband knows everything!"

"Oh don't be such a sourdough," Pietro said. "Kiss me!"

"Hold the mayo!" Fred boomed in with his sandwich. "She's mine buddy!"

"Un-freaking believable," Lance groaned.

"Hey where else can you get dinner and a show?" Todd asked. 

****

1 p.m. to 5 p.m.: Learning Time

"I can't believe this yo," Todd scratched his head. "Fourteen people and they still haven't figured out the serial killer's the doctor chick!" 

"You would think they would have caught on once they saw her with that bloody hacksaw," Wanda remarked. 

"Nah she was able to come up with a great lie," Fred told them. "Emergency amputation."

"Decapitation is more like it," Todd remarked. "Well at least today we'll be able to figure out who the father of Laura's baby is. I still say its Max yo. He's a player!" 

"Yeah he was playing around with Cindy that night," Wanda said. "It's Roberto."

"It can't be Roberto," Todd told her. "He had a vasectomy!"

"It didn't take," Wanda told him.

"That can happen?" Todd looked at her. "No way!"

"Actually that did kind of happen to my Aunt Ralph," Fred remarked. "Wanna hear about it?"

"NO!" Both Todd and Wanda said at the same time. 

Pietro zoomed in. He looked around. "Anybody seen Pyro?"

BOOOM!

"I think he's out back playing with his lighter and the gas grill again," Todd said casually. 

"Oh great!" Pietro groaned. "No wonder Father stuck him here with us!" 

"Big shock," Lance walked by reading a cookbook. 

"What are **you** doing with a cookbook?" Wanda asked.

"It's my turn to cook tonight remember?" Lance said.

"I wish I could forget," Wanda groaned. 

"Get out the stomach pumps people," Pietro quipped. 

**5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Dinner **

"What the heck is this crap?" Wanda asked. 

"Some kind of chicken I think," Todd poked at it.

"No I think it's a fish based on the smell," Pyro sniffed at it.

"Nah fish doesn't smell that bad," Pietro remarked. 

"Well it's got some kind of meat in it I know that," Fred studied it.

"It's lasagna!" Lance snapped. 

"Well once again Freddy wins the prize for figuring out what Lance cooked," Wanda remarked.

"Hey I'm getting better at cooking!" Lance snapped. "I'm not that bad!"

"Compared to Kitty no," Wanda said. "Everyone else in the known universe is another story." 

"Look at least I'm making an effort!" Lance snapped. "Unlike some of us who cheat ordering take out when it's their night to cook!"

"Hey that's not fair!" Todd snapped. "After that incident with the toaster you won't let me cook!"

"And with good reason," Pietro remarked. "Toasters don't fly away down the street leaving trails of flame."

"They do if you set it right," Pyro chomped on his food.

"Anyway I think Lance was referring to me," Pietro said. 

"Your darn right I was referring to you," Lance snapped. 

"Can I help it if I only want the finest things in life?" Pietro remarked. "I have a sensitive pallet!" 

"Yeah Gut Burger really caters to only the most finicky of taste buds," Fred snickered. 

"Eat gray gunk, Blubber Butt!" Pietro flung food at him. 

"Here we go…" Lance sighed as Fred flung food back. 

"Actually Lance considering what's on our plates this might be the most enjoyable part of our meal tonight!" Wanda shrugged. Soon a full-fledged food fight was in session. 

**7 p.m. Cleanup.**

"Whose turn is it to do dishes?" Todd asked as he looked at the pile in front of him.

"Yours," Pietro called out from the living room.

"Okay," Todd opened a window and threw them all out. He shut the window when they were all gone. "Done!" 

****

7.02 p.m. to? : Recreation Time

"Okay so which reality show do you want to watch?" Pietro flipped through the TV guide. "Who Wants To Marry an Average Bachelorette? Really Stupid Fear Factor? Celebrity Survivor: Beverly Hills? Ten to Life, Famous People in Jail? Celebrity Mole: The Mall of America or The Apprentice?" 

"I kind of like The Apprentice," Wanda said. "It makes me feel better seeing people more desperate for a job and success than I am." 

"You wanna get a job?" Todd looked at her.

"Not really," Wanda told him. "I just like seeing over educated snobs act like idiots for one." 

"I hear ya," Fred nodded. "They're gonna do a similar one. The McDonald's Apprentice. 60 teens are going to apply for jobs at McDonalds. The winners are the ones who get fired." 

"Bitter are we?" Lance quipped. "Freddy you ate all the fries, drank the milkshake machine dry, got into a fight with three customers and stole all the Happy Meal toys. It wasn't really a shock that they fired you after three hours." 

"Hey at least I tried to get a job when money was tight," Fred defended himself. "And it did put food on the table for that night. I did take quite a bit of food with me. They wouldn't give me any cash so I stole their burgers and nuggets as severance pay. Besides I didn't hear you protesting when I gave you those Hot Wheels cars." 

"I used to play with Hot Wheels," Pyro sighed. "When I was a little kid. But they all melted."

"Really? I never would have guessed," Pietro said dryly. "So what do you wanna watch?" 

"Well who says we have to watch anything?" Todd piped up. "We could play a game or something." 

"Well I'm not playing Candyland again that's for sure!" Pyro piped up. "Blob cheats!"

"I do not!" Fred snapped. "You're just a lousy player!" 

"Am not!" Pyro snapped. "Cheater! Cheater! Cheater!"

"Loser! Loser! Loser!" Fred shouted.

"I know you are but what am I?" Pyro shouted back. 

"A loser!" Fred shouted.

"I know you are but what am I?" Pyro repeated. 

"A loser!" 

"I know you are but what am I?"

"So you wanna watch this?" Todd indicated to the others with his thumb.

"Why not," Lance shrugged. "Nothing else on." 

**Bedtime: **

"PIETRO KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE STUPID MEDITATION MUSIC!" Wanda pounded on the door wearing her nightgown. "IT SOUNDS LIKE THERE'S A FREAKING FLOCK OF SEAGULLS IN THERE!" 

"More like a loon in there," Lance remarked. 

"Hey why don't you knock down the door Wanda and chase him around some more?" Todd piped up. 

"Why don't you shut up and keep your stupid little fantasies on hold?" Lance hissed at him.

"Says the boy with the Kitty in a swimsuit collage in his dresser," Pyro said. "Come on Wanda! Give it to him!" 

Wanda shouted. "I'M WARNING YOU PIETRO! IF YOU DON'T COME OUT HERE BY THE TIME I COUNT TO THREE YOU ARE REALLY ASKING FOR IT! ONE…TWO…YOU BETTER GET READY TO DIE BECAUSE I'M COMING IN! THREE!" She hexed the door down and ran in. Seconds later Pietro ran out with Wanda chasing him with a pillow. 

"Yeah! Go Wanda go!" Pyro and Fred whooped. Fred took a picture. 

"EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!" Lance shouted. "WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?"

"Just lucky I guess," Todd shrugged. 


End file.
